Day Seventy-seven + Day Five without C

Tired but fairly happy tonight.

Differences after living with Concerta?
Very subtle changes. I feel more tired sooner in the day, but taking fish-oil capsules and drinking a mug or too of finest Oolong tea seem to do the trick and help me focus.

Diet?

I'm still on a morning egg (soft boiled), one small cup of strong coffee, barley/rye/fruit müesli with fruit juice, small glass of carrot juice, 1 capsule each of fish oil and Evening Primrose oil, plus Vit D3.

What emotional pangs did I notice today?

None, too busy.

What went well today?
Great session with local book club, discussing Susan Fletcher's Witch Light (original title: Corrag), a fascinating book.
Completed intricate editing/proof-reading job and client is happy for me to bill him for at least part of lots of extra work we had not seen coming at the outset.

How can I make it happen more regularly?

Keep attending Book club meetings.

What strengths have I focused on today?

Being able to deliver a lot in little time.

At what point did I feel most authentically myself?
Talking about the book; reminiscing about family's past, listening to others talking about their families, ancestors; working hard for my client.

What did not go so well?

Still haven't touched my accounting work. I'm still hooked on TV.

Day Seventy-seven + Day One without C

After a very broken night (worrying about a job, worrying about life in general, hooked on the latest instalment of a TV spy/crime series), I overslept massively, sleeping until 11:40, right through three alarms, one of which I did perceive, but from a long way away.

Had invited a friend for lunch at noon, so leapt out of bed. By the time I had a moment to write down an extraordinary dream, it was gone. All I remember is thinking that it was really special, long, involved and quite beautiful despite a stressful ending, with me seeking to resolve an issue that couldn't be resolved.

So, as it was already very late, I decided that today is the day I'm coming off Concerta – at least until my next appointment with Dr. Sheard in ten days' time. Should be just enough to see what differences I notice.

What emotional pangs did I notice today?

None. Felt connected in more than one way.

What feelings about differences did I notice?

I do talk a lot.

What went well today?
Managed to have a fairly tidy-looking house by the time my friend knocked on the door.
Lunch turned out great. I produced a delicious hot meal in less than 45 minutes: home-grown potatoes and lettuce (yes, still picking those Lollo rosso leaves!), organic avocado, organic carrots, leeks, broccoli and butternut squash: roughly mashed potatoes mixed with two organic eggs made a lovely "Spanish" omelet; the veggies were still a bit al-dente and looked beautiful, and the salad went down a treat. Followed the lot with organic Oolong for her and coffee for me, and dark-chocolate macaroons.
Also worked on final edits / proofreading of a big job I've helped coax along for an extraordinary Swiss artist.
I also composed info re adult ADD/ADHD for a friend who suspects her husband may have been living with this. They're both about my age – better late than not at all.

How can I make it happen more regularly?

Keep on keeping on. Invite more friends for lunch.

What strengths have I focused on today?

Ability to pull things together under pressure.

At what point did I feel most authentically myself?
Cooking.

What did not go so well?

Munched the rest of the dark-chocolate macaroons late at night.
Have not touched my accounts, have not called the accountant to clear up a question that's been holding me back.
Continue severely addicted to TV.
Bum very sore indeed but possibly a tiny bit better than a week ago, say.

There's hope!

Day Seventy-four

A mixed bag of a day.

What emotional pangs did I notice today?

Went out feeling fine, got home after choir practice feeling rubbish, lonely, excluded, un-belonging.

What feelings about differences did I notice?

I'm finding it difficult to relate to religious people.

What went well today?
Shipped off a translation a bit early.
Finished cleaning my house and did another load of laundry.
Aired my blankets and cushions and duvet.
Caught up with my distant god-mother and her son.
Dug up a wonderful bucket-load of tatties.
Cooked some of them straight away, with organic mushrooms and carrots. Very yummy.

How can I make it happen more regularly?

Keep on keeping on; stay connected to old friends and try making closer friendships here.

What strengths have I focused on today?

Working on various fronts; trying to stay focused.

At what point did I feel most authentically myself?
Working on a translation for an old client.
Digging up what may well be the second-last potatoes – a bumper crop today, big bucket full of lovely tatties.

Day Seventy-three

A good day. Sunday.

What emotional pangs did I notice today?


None.

What feelings about differences did I notice?


None. Stayed home and that felt right.

What went well today?

Overslept massively but didn't really worry, why should I? Didn't go out walking but rested up after a fairly tiring Saturday (and week for that matter).
Started cleaning the house, did some laundry.
Saw the wee rabbit scamper off down the hill.
Caught up with e-mails.
Caught up with a distant friend on the phone.

How can I make it happen more regularly?


Keep on keeping on.

What strengths have I focused on today?

Not many, but that's ok.


At what point did I feel most authentically myself?
On the phone to a really old friend. She's not old, but we've known each other for forty years.

Day Seventy-two

A big day: Cairndow for a Harmony Singing workshop; Lochgilphead for the Lantern Parade and fireworks.

What emotional pangs did I notice today?


None. It was a good day, full of people and welcoming friends.

What feelings about differences did I notice?


We're all different, each and every one of us.

What went well today?

Drove well, lovely countryside. Reached my destinations in time, if not early.
Picked up two hitchhikers up from the Loch ___ hotel, between Dalmally and Inveraray. Won't divulge the tales they told me, but the life of most people working at hotels in this area is very hard, accommodation is poor and pay even worse.
Loved the singing and enjoyed the people who attended.
Loved the Lantern Parade and fireworks; best of all: a warm soup and delish fish & chips in great company.
Enjoyed the drive back in the dark.
Got home in good time for another bite to eat and a good soak in a hot bath.

How can I make it happen more regularly?


Go out more, have more baths.

What strengths have I focused on today?

My spirit of adventure

At what point did I feel most authentically myself?
Driving; enjoying the countryside.

Day Seventy-one

Phew, what a chopped-up kind of day – again!

What emotional pangs did I notice today?

Stress, stress, stress, irritation beyond measure.

What went well today?
Woke from a fascinating dream, which I remembered (and wrote down) in great detail.
Got a lot done: 
- enjoyed a few moments in the bright early-morning sunshine- started dealing with some paid work;
- downloaded all my accounts details for October;
- had a one-to-one Gaelic session, which helped me sort out some questions that did not get answered during the phone tutorial; 
- found out how to prosecute a client who's not responded to any of my reminders and has a really bad reputation for late or non-payment of invoices (only the girl who commissioned me never told me that at the time!);
- e-mailed and posted off a final warning that they will be prosecuted via the European Small Claims Procedure. What a lot of hassle!
- at last had some responses from three local workmen, one the gas inspector for my rented-out flat; another the plumber I've been wanting to change some taps here for me;
- one of two painter decorators I've asked to submit a quote re the water damage in my flat has responded; it'll be a small job. Might just withdraw the insurance claim.

- cooked myself another delicious meal: lovely venison steak on a bed of organic broccoli and mushrooms in a delicious sauce;
- took a phone call re some possible student guests sometime in December;
- texted an apology to my Gaelic tutor;
- partly sorted my accounts for October (in terms of having every receipt and bill accounted for, not in terms of actually putting them onto a spreadsheet – wouldn't that be nice!)
- e-mailed an old friend I've neglected.

How can I make it happen more regularly?

Keep on keeping on

What strengths have I focused on today?

Going off the rails but coming back on again.

At what point did I feel most authentically myself?
Cooking, I think.

What did not go so well?
Overslept massively, waking only at 10:30; felt hassled all day long; still haven't touched my accounting. :/

Day Seventy

Samhain – the hinge-point between seasons. A time of reflection, of remembrance.
Yesterday I thought today might the last day with Concerta – for a while at least, until I feel I know what difference this medication has really made –  but I've changed my mind.

What emotional pangs did I notice today?

Lonely, but ok with it.

What went well today?
Got quite a lot done: 
- sorted out some work;
- had my hair cut;
- had my car's front brakes sorted out by having new discs and pads fitted; 
- did some much-needed garden work, pruning the bay shrub that's been crowding out a wee apple seedling and a redcurrant shrub;
- had my car's air-condition re-charged and now understand better how it's supposed to work and be used;
- had a fairly positive response from Argyll Voluntary Action re my request for a volunteer to just come and "babysit" me while I work on my accounts – I live in hope!
- got to Tai chi feeling absolutely washed out but left feeling I could take on the world;
- cooked myself a delicious meal: lovely steak on a bed of home-grown salad, including coriander leaves and – probably the last of the nasturtium blossoms – the frost has ravaged the lovelies;
- close-read the lovely home-made card my friendly neighbour gave me through her kids – really touched!
 
How can I make it happen more regularly?

Keep on keeping on

What strengths have I focused on today?

Managed to keep a straight head

At what point did I feel most authentically myself?
Walking home from the garage in the sunshine, and walking back into town to pick up the car.



What did not go so well?
Still haven't touched my accounting. :/