Why do I number the days in this way? Because I'm numerically challenged and wouldn't otherwise be able to work out when the second set of ten days is over during which I am giving two pills a go.
What emotional pangs did I notice today?
Panic when I had to take care of my tenant's flat being "flooded" from above; feeling of exhaustion and loneliness at the end of quite an intense day.
What feelings about differences did I notice?
I continue as puzzled about this question as ever
What went well today? Managed to deal with everything that came my way without flipping or breaking down.
Had a boost of energy from not needing to check with a client re sending me his source text: it was in the in-box when I checked my e-mails this morning. Beat the alarm-clock by about an hour and arrived at the dentist's in good time. Chatted with a few people face-to-face in town; did my shopping.
Called the garage to fix a date for my car MOT.
Dealt with colleague's unexpected
illness. Had good lesson prep.
Called my ESOL boss to
confirm/discuss new arrangements.
Appreciated the starry sky, including the appearance of Orion in the pre-dawn sky. Enjoyed the sunshine in the morning and afternoon. Picked some blueberries. Admired the not-quite-half moon half an hour ago.
How can I make it happen more regularly?
Practice makes perfect...
What strengths have I focused on today?
Ability to deal with quite a few unexpected occurrences at short notice; teaching; cooking.
At what point did I feel most authentically myself? When I was able to smile into the sunshine; when I dealt with my tenant's trouble; as I cooked a lovely evening meal; as I transformed the neighbour's gift of two pounds of lovely plums into a plum preserve in small jars that I may be able to use as gifts.
What is still on the to-do-list?
Practicing my Gaelic for the upcoming exam
doing my accounts
dealing with a fairly major translation job – not necessarily in this order!
Has Concerta made a difference?
Still not very sure. I seem to function more efficiently, but also have pretty awful moments in between when I sag and lose the will to do anything at all. And I tend to forget to drink, which causes headaches. I've noticed the odd moment when my mouth is dry.
But I woke after not very much sleep but feeling rested and ready to go.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Monday, September 3, 2012
Day Ten plus One
First day on two times 18mg Concerta Extended Release.
Beat the alarm clock by about fifteen minutes and felt fresh as I got up – that was before the pills. Later in the day, after working in the damp outside, I felt very tired and chilled and couldn't really get warm until I was cooped up with 27 other people in a smallish room.
What emotional pangs did I notice today? Worried about not enough work coming in. Misunderstood by a fellow choir member, and lonely on coming home to an empty house, having walked home from choir.
What feelings about differences did I notice? ???
What went well today? The getting up was easy. Got my to-do list almost sorted, made a phone-call I'd been putting off.
How can I make it happen more regularly? Keep looking at my to-do list and not let myself be too distracted.
What strengths have I focused on today? Gardening? Keeping going on little food/drink (which isn't actually all that good).
At what point did I feel most authentically myself? Gardening, I suppose. Weeding. Used to hate it, now I find it quite therapeutic. Quite like to get my hands dirty. Picked my second-last mange-tout peas and a surprise handful of wood strawberries. A neighbour gave me a big bowl of lovely plums, some of which went straight into my very late breakfast at 4:30pm!
Beat the alarm clock by about fifteen minutes and felt fresh as I got up – that was before the pills. Later in the day, after working in the damp outside, I felt very tired and chilled and couldn't really get warm until I was cooped up with 27 other people in a smallish room.
What emotional pangs did I notice today? Worried about not enough work coming in. Misunderstood by a fellow choir member, and lonely on coming home to an empty house, having walked home from choir.
What feelings about differences did I notice? ???
What went well today? The getting up was easy. Got my to-do list almost sorted, made a phone-call I'd been putting off.
How can I make it happen more regularly? Keep looking at my to-do list and not let myself be too distracted.
What strengths have I focused on today? Gardening? Keeping going on little food/drink (which isn't actually all that good).
At what point did I feel most authentically myself? Gardening, I suppose. Weeding. Used to hate it, now I find it quite therapeutic. Quite like to get my hands dirty. Picked my second-last mange-tout peas and a surprise handful of wood strawberries. A neighbour gave me a big bowl of lovely plums, some of which went straight into my very late breakfast at 4:30pm!
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Day Ten
Day Ten – ten days of Concerta Extended Release, 18mg/d
Sari Solden's questions again:
What emotional pangs did I notice today? None. Good day. Remembered my paternal grandmother and what a hard life she had. Called my sister-in-law to wish my niece well in a new chapter of her life. Posted off a couple of physical letters.
What feelings about differences did I notice? Still haven't got a clue what this question is about.
What went well today? Lots of Gaelic, working by myself, working out meanings of words; Gaelic singing; Gaelic class with my private tutor. It's his birthday soon, so I cooked dinner. Nothing hugely special but it was tasty.
How can I make it happen more regularly? Keep at it, girl!
What strengths have I focused on today? Being able to focus, hyperfocus even, if and when things go right.
At what point did I feel most authentically myself? Again, when I went out barefoot into the wet grass, to pick brambles for my breakfast. And when I got the food ready. And when I scrunched up my brain to try and comprehend some really weird Gaelic sentence structures. It's such a different way of looking at things... Most interesting.
Is Concerta making a difference?
Maybe in that I have found it a bit easier to discern between what I really need to do and what must wait; and that I can put off more easily the pleasurable things until I've done the less fun things.
And also in that all this doesn't matter all that much. When all is said and done, I'm moaning at an extremely high level. Not trying to belittle my situation, but:
elsewhere in the world, people are being flooded, try to survive wars, are having their homes bulldozed...
Not trying to feel better by comparing my life with those who live in abject misery, but:
trying to get a perspective, and to be grateful for all the privilege I've been able to enjoy...
Sari Solden's questions again:
What emotional pangs did I notice today? None. Good day. Remembered my paternal grandmother and what a hard life she had. Called my sister-in-law to wish my niece well in a new chapter of her life. Posted off a couple of physical letters.
What feelings about differences did I notice? Still haven't got a clue what this question is about.
What went well today? Lots of Gaelic, working by myself, working out meanings of words; Gaelic singing; Gaelic class with my private tutor. It's his birthday soon, so I cooked dinner. Nothing hugely special but it was tasty.
How can I make it happen more regularly? Keep at it, girl!
What strengths have I focused on today? Being able to focus, hyperfocus even, if and when things go right.
At what point did I feel most authentically myself? Again, when I went out barefoot into the wet grass, to pick brambles for my breakfast. And when I got the food ready. And when I scrunched up my brain to try and comprehend some really weird Gaelic sentence structures. It's such a different way of looking at things... Most interesting.
Is Concerta making a difference?
Maybe in that I have found it a bit easier to discern between what I really need to do and what must wait; and that I can put off more easily the pleasurable things until I've done the less fun things.
And also in that all this doesn't matter all that much. When all is said and done, I'm moaning at an extremely high level. Not trying to belittle my situation, but:
elsewhere in the world, people are being flooded, try to survive wars, are having their homes bulldozed...
Not trying to feel better by comparing my life with those who live in abject misery, but:
trying to get a perspective, and to be grateful for all the privilege I've been able to enjoy...
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Day nine
Here we go, let's try Sari Solden (ADDjourneys)'s questions:
"What emotional pangs did I notice today?" Loneliness, I suppose, when one of my best friends cried off for a chat over a cup of coffee, followed by a concert. And I still miss my "cat-for-a-year"!
"What feelings about differences did I notice?" What? Not sure I get this.
"What went well today?" Got almost everything done that was on my to-do list, and a few more! Plus: had a lovely breakfast; cooked an ok dinner, and enjoyed a glass of rosé with it. Prepped a class, wrote up another and produced hand-outs for next Tuesday; dealt with a legal issue that fluttered onto my desk only two days ago rather than putting it off until mid-November...
"How can I make it happen more regularly? " I am making it happen more regularly; this is getting to be almost a normal occurrence.
"What strengths have I focused on today?" On-line communication, trying to be a good friend...
"At what point did I feel most authentically myself?" When I walked barefoot in the rain-soaked grass.
Is Concerta making a difference? Still not sure. It's all in the mind, surely...
Still haven't started on my accounting, haven't called the plumber; did a lot of sitting and looking at a computer screen. (But the weather WAS awful out there, barely five minutes of half-sunshine.)
"What emotional pangs did I notice today?" Loneliness, I suppose, when one of my best friends cried off for a chat over a cup of coffee, followed by a concert. And I still miss my "cat-for-a-year"!
"What feelings about differences did I notice?" What? Not sure I get this.
"What went well today?" Got almost everything done that was on my to-do list, and a few more! Plus: had a lovely breakfast; cooked an ok dinner, and enjoyed a glass of rosé with it. Prepped a class, wrote up another and produced hand-outs for next Tuesday; dealt with a legal issue that fluttered onto my desk only two days ago rather than putting it off until mid-November...
"How can I make it happen more regularly? " I am making it happen more regularly; this is getting to be almost a normal occurrence.
"What strengths have I focused on today?" On-line communication, trying to be a good friend...
"At what point did I feel most authentically myself?" When I walked barefoot in the rain-soaked grass.
Is Concerta making a difference? Still not sure. It's all in the mind, surely...
Still haven't started on my accounting, haven't called the plumber; did a lot of sitting and looking at a computer screen. (But the weather WAS awful out there, barely five minutes of half-sunshine.)
Some important questions
I'll be trying to answer these questions in future posts:
What emotional pangs did I notice today?
What feelings about differences did I notice?
What went well today?
How can I make it happen more regularly?
What strengths have I focused on today?
At what point did I feel most authentically myself?
Thank you, Sari Solden, for posting these questions on this facebook page for the Scottish Adult ADD/ADHD Support Group.
What emotional pangs did I notice today?
What feelings about differences did I notice?
What went well today?
How can I make it happen more regularly?
What strengths have I focused on today?
At what point did I feel most authentically myself?
Thank you, Sari Solden, for posting these questions on this facebook page for the Scottish Adult ADD/ADHD Support Group.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Day Eight
After some weird visual effects that I've written up as a footnote to yesterday's post, I had a good night's sleep, Full (Blue) Moon nothwithstanding, didn't oversleep, didn't take my Concerta pill late, nothing.
A relaxed day, rainy/foggy/chilly out there, which helped me focus. Just found that several mountain passes have been closed in Switzerland due to heavy snowfall down to 2000masl (over 6,500ft). Glossy snow-capped peaks in the Alps for the beginning of September it is! (Not too unusual for winter to come early to those elevations, but not necessarily a very good thing as snow is an excellent insulator and can trap the heat in the rocks, leading to more ice melting nearby and hence to more glaciers melting off – "Fresh snow is an excellent insulator. Ten inches of fresh snow with a density of 0.07 inches, seven percent water, is approximately equal to a six-inch-layer of fiberglass insulation with an insulation R-value of R-18" see http://www.snow-forecast.com/pages/nsidc-snowfacts.)
Got a few more things off my list of things to do; a few more came onto the list – what else is new? For example, a reminder re my MOT in October; my own reminder to arrange for payment of rent increase from mid-October; legal requirement to transfer rent deposit to a "safe" deposit institution: I have to make decisions, contact people – something I've always found quite hard.
Ah well, tomorrow's another day – the arch procrastinator's famous words, eh...
A relaxed day, rainy/foggy/chilly out there, which helped me focus. Just found that several mountain passes have been closed in Switzerland due to heavy snowfall down to 2000masl (over 6,500ft). Glossy snow-capped peaks in the Alps for the beginning of September it is! (Not too unusual for winter to come early to those elevations, but not necessarily a very good thing as snow is an excellent insulator and can trap the heat in the rocks, leading to more ice melting nearby and hence to more glaciers melting off – "Fresh snow is an excellent insulator. Ten inches of fresh snow with a density of 0.07 inches, seven percent water, is approximately equal to a six-inch-layer of fiberglass insulation with an insulation R-value of R-18" see http://www.snow-forecast.com/pages/nsidc-snowfacts.)
Got a few more things off my list of things to do; a few more came onto the list – what else is new? For example, a reminder re my MOT in October; my own reminder to arrange for payment of rent increase from mid-October; legal requirement to transfer rent deposit to a "safe" deposit institution: I have to make decisions, contact people – something I've always found quite hard.
Ah well, tomorrow's another day – the arch procrastinator's famous words, eh...
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Day Seven
A week already! It doesn't seem that many days since I started taking Concerta, nor does it seem a week since my lovely foster cat went back to "her family" - I still catch myself expecting her to come charging round the corner in search of food, or sitting on the door mat waiting for me to come home. Ah well... at least I know she's happy back where she grew up, a much quieter place with far less traffic – and a lot of mice to take care of, or so I've heard!
Again overslept after being woken just after 7am by a rogue phone call from the Continent. Had forgotten to turn up my mobile phone, which is my reminder of umpteen things and appointments every day. Don't know what I did before these handy wee things came into existence – certainly remember missing lots of appointments and dates, that's for sure!
I got caught up in intense work, getting my head together for a wee Gaelic exam in a week's time. I was under quite a bit of time pressure and found as I went into the garden mid-afternoon that I had a fairly bad headache. I think it was dehydration, though.
(Would hate those stress headaches to return that I used to suffer from in my mid-twenties to mid-thirties!)
I did manage to tick off about five things on my 15-item list of things to do by tomorrow evening and thoroughly enjoyed my weekly Tai chi class. Way to go!
Blue Moon night. A very chilly night after a wonderfully warm and dry late-summer's day with lots of sunshine. But also a day on which I again felt really "wired" for much of the time.
PS added the next morning, 31Aug2012:
As I was falling asleep last night, I had the weirdest visual experience ever. Let me see if I can describe this...
Irregularly-shaped, clearly outlined small fragments of bright blue, a clear lapislazuli blue, the purest blue you can imagine, were moving across my retina, like a very slow, chaotic ballet. Beautiful – if a bit spooky.
I've experienced colour visions before, in deep healing or Shakra meditation for example, but usually see the colours of the rainbow, fading gently into and out of darkness, or each other. On some occasions they would change from purple to blue to green, yellow and pure white, or from purple to red to orange, yellow and white...
Again overslept after being woken just after 7am by a rogue phone call from the Continent. Had forgotten to turn up my mobile phone, which is my reminder of umpteen things and appointments every day. Don't know what I did before these handy wee things came into existence – certainly remember missing lots of appointments and dates, that's for sure!
I got caught up in intense work, getting my head together for a wee Gaelic exam in a week's time. I was under quite a bit of time pressure and found as I went into the garden mid-afternoon that I had a fairly bad headache. I think it was dehydration, though.
(Would hate those stress headaches to return that I used to suffer from in my mid-twenties to mid-thirties!)
I did manage to tick off about five things on my 15-item list of things to do by tomorrow evening and thoroughly enjoyed my weekly Tai chi class. Way to go!
Blue Moon night. A very chilly night after a wonderfully warm and dry late-summer's day with lots of sunshine. But also a day on which I again felt really "wired" for much of the time.
PS added the next morning, 31Aug2012:
As I was falling asleep last night, I had the weirdest visual experience ever. Let me see if I can describe this...
Irregularly-shaped, clearly outlined small fragments of bright blue, a clear lapislazuli blue, the purest blue you can imagine, were moving across my retina, like a very slow, chaotic ballet. Beautiful – if a bit spooky.
I've experienced colour visions before, in deep healing or Shakra meditation for example, but usually see the colours of the rainbow, fading gently into and out of darkness, or each other. On some occasions they would change from purple to blue to green, yellow and pure white, or from purple to red to orange, yellow and white...
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