After just five days I have reduced my Concerta intake to 2x18mg/d – hated the side-effects of 3x18mg/d:
loss of appetite, nausea, headaches, a jitteriness beyond belief.
I'd rather be unfocused than feel this way!
Not very good, but feel a lot better this evening than the past few, and while I don't mind having lost a bit of weight, not wanting to eat for days is just not me.
What went well today?
• Managed to keep on top of urgent deadlines as far as paid work goes.
• The suitcase that went AWOL yesterday was found in the Isle of Skye
(!) and returned to Oban on the 12:30 bus, where I was able to retrieve
it! Can't even begin to describe the relief of not having to re-print
about 150 pages of Gaelic lesson scripts, and of having to try and
re-create the notes I took during the Saturday workshop on Public
Service Interpreting.
• Managed to sort out my receipts for the past few months, and chase up slow-paying clients, and realised I had not done this since June! Not good, but better now than not at all. Given that four or five of my invoices have been unpaid for over two months, it's no wonder my budget has been feeling tight!
• Managed to get to my appointments away from home – (just) in time.
• Walked into town and home again, about four miles. Not much, but better than nothing.
How can I make it happen more regularly?
I need to keep on top of my accounting. It's an integral part of my paid work and I need to treat it as such.
What strengths have I focused on today?
• Being able to focus; being able to pull out all the stops if required.
• Actually being able to evaluate quite well how much time a particular job will take.
At what point did I feel most authentically myself?
Walking to and from town in the wind and the rain.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Day Thirty-eight
Another virtually sleepless night – I don't know why.
Felt unable to eat all my breakfast, which consisted of some fruit juice, a bit of porridge with maple syrup, and half a cup of coffee. I was given the gorgeous fresh fruit to take with me, plus a banana , which I ate at Edinburgh Bus Station.
I'm totally exhausted after a stressful bus journey back to Oban. Initially really great, and very pleased to be on a bus whose driver was excellent, a much quieter young chap than the guy on Friday afternoon, focused and circumspect.
But not pleased with the bus company, who failed to inform their drivers of a significant road closure affecting their services from Glasgow to Oban/Fort William/Dundee... This led to disruptions and delays, confusion and hassle at the meeting point of routes in Tyndrum. I was the only passenger for Oban on that particular journey but my driver had to wait for delayed passengers from Glasgow who were going to Fort William, so I went off for some quick hot food at the Good Food Café, which I love.
When I got back, all the other passengers had just transferred to another Ft. William bus. One of them – possibly one of the drivers – must have grabbed my bag and put it on the other bus, because when the Oban bus came in and I transferred, my bag was nowhere to be found.
My driver phoned the Ft. William office immediately. He was soo apologetic – not least because he could also have transferred me onto an Oban bound bus that left almost as soon as we arrived in Tyndrum. Only I didn't realise that and no-one told me. Armed with information and phone numbers, I travelled on to Oban on an uneventful journey.
The quieter drivers enabled me to read on in Delivered from Distraction, which I found riveting.
I even managed to be one of the first to arrive at the hall where Oban Gaelic choir had an extra practice.
But later in the afternoon, I was unimpressed by the bus office in Fort William, who informed me that my bag had not been found. And by the fact that the manager never bothered to call me back. I eventually managed to make contact with her at about 7pm, giving a few more details of my bag that, in Tyndrum, I hadn't thought of in the heat of the moment. She suggested I should call again after ten tomorrow morning, saying the bag might have gone on to Skye!
I live in hope of getting this bag back; totted up its value, including contents, which comes to about £500. Amazing. I'd be so stressed out if I had to re-print all my Gaelic lessons and yesterday's notes. Why oh why did I not leave them in my computer case? Because they were heavy.
Still fizzing with nerves and stress. But hoping to have a better night's sleep now I'm back in my own bed.
Got to the bus station early; could even have changed my itinerary to take a bus via Glasgow. In hindsight it might have saved me a lot of hassle.
Felt unable to eat all my breakfast, which consisted of some fruit juice, a bit of porridge with maple syrup, and half a cup of coffee. I was given the gorgeous fresh fruit to take with me, plus a banana , which I ate at Edinburgh Bus Station.
I'm totally exhausted after a stressful bus journey back to Oban. Initially really great, and very pleased to be on a bus whose driver was excellent, a much quieter young chap than the guy on Friday afternoon, focused and circumspect.
But not pleased with the bus company, who failed to inform their drivers of a significant road closure affecting their services from Glasgow to Oban/Fort William/Dundee... This led to disruptions and delays, confusion and hassle at the meeting point of routes in Tyndrum. I was the only passenger for Oban on that particular journey but my driver had to wait for delayed passengers from Glasgow who were going to Fort William, so I went off for some quick hot food at the Good Food Café, which I love.
When I got back, all the other passengers had just transferred to another Ft. William bus. One of them – possibly one of the drivers – must have grabbed my bag and put it on the other bus, because when the Oban bus came in and I transferred, my bag was nowhere to be found.
My driver phoned the Ft. William office immediately. He was soo apologetic – not least because he could also have transferred me onto an Oban bound bus that left almost as soon as we arrived in Tyndrum. Only I didn't realise that and no-one told me. Armed with information and phone numbers, I travelled on to Oban on an uneventful journey.
The quieter drivers enabled me to read on in Delivered from Distraction, which I found riveting.
I even managed to be one of the first to arrive at the hall where Oban Gaelic choir had an extra practice.
But later in the afternoon, I was unimpressed by the bus office in Fort William, who informed me that my bag had not been found. And by the fact that the manager never bothered to call me back. I eventually managed to make contact with her at about 7pm, giving a few more details of my bag that, in Tyndrum, I hadn't thought of in the heat of the moment. She suggested I should call again after ten tomorrow morning, saying the bag might have gone on to Skye!
I live in hope of getting this bag back; totted up its value, including contents, which comes to about £500. Amazing. I'd be so stressed out if I had to re-print all my Gaelic lessons and yesterday's notes. Why oh why did I not leave them in my computer case? Because they were heavy.
Still fizzing with nerves and stress. But hoping to have a better night's sleep now I'm back in my own bed.
What went well?
Glad I transferred colleagues' contact details onto my computer, which is with me, and even typed up a few e-mails to them which I'm planning to e-mail off tomorrow.Got to the bus station early; could even have changed my itinerary to take a bus via Glasgow. In hindsight it might have saved me a lot of hassle.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Day Thirty-seven
Again, written from memory on the next day.
Virtually sleepless night: first, a faint, but persistent smell of smoke came drifting into my room, which is a ground-floor one at the back of the house, overlooking a lovely garden patio. A fountain tinkles just outside. Some people may find that noise soothing; I find it grates on my ears. But my room was hot so there was no remedy but to keep the window on its slanting open position.
Very comfy memory-foam mattress and lots of pillows but I just couldn't find the right position and must've woken every hour or even more frequently. Drinking that tea didn't help but I was so very thirsty and needed something other than just water.
I've been feeling a bit queasy much of the time for the past few days, and headachy if I don't get enough fluids.
The day went well, though. I found my way to the bus stop and onto the right bus to carry me right across the city and out the other side to the Heriot Watt University campus. A confusing warren of buildings, but we eventually managed to find the right places.
Interesting lecture/discussion on Public Service Interpreting followed by an ok lunch at an Italian place not too far. Got a lift from someone who described kids and a husband I'm sure fall within the ADD/ADHD spectrum, so mentioned my recent diagnosis, just in case. Will see whether she responds.
In the afternoon, travelled back into town with a couple of interpreter/translator friends; met up with a Creative Writing friend and eventually walked for quite a distance. Ended up not having dinner – feeling queasy and reluctant to sit alone in a restaurant filled with family groups and couples. So came back to my B&B where I had a banana and some cashew nuts, plus plenty of fluids. Disappointingly, my well-meaning landlady doesn't seem to understand the concept of non-caffeinated beverages and placed a box of green tea rather than mint on my hospitality tray. So I've made do with just hot water.
Room cooler; I live in hope of a decent night's sleep.
What went well today?
Realised that being an ADDult who can hyperfocus has made me an excellent translator/interpreter. Most of us have such a wide range of interests.
Virtually sleepless night: first, a faint, but persistent smell of smoke came drifting into my room, which is a ground-floor one at the back of the house, overlooking a lovely garden patio. A fountain tinkles just outside. Some people may find that noise soothing; I find it grates on my ears. But my room was hot so there was no remedy but to keep the window on its slanting open position.
Very comfy memory-foam mattress and lots of pillows but I just couldn't find the right position and must've woken every hour or even more frequently. Drinking that tea didn't help but I was so very thirsty and needed something other than just water.
I've been feeling a bit queasy much of the time for the past few days, and headachy if I don't get enough fluids.
The day went well, though. I found my way to the bus stop and onto the right bus to carry me right across the city and out the other side to the Heriot Watt University campus. A confusing warren of buildings, but we eventually managed to find the right places.
Interesting lecture/discussion on Public Service Interpreting followed by an ok lunch at an Italian place not too far. Got a lift from someone who described kids and a husband I'm sure fall within the ADD/ADHD spectrum, so mentioned my recent diagnosis, just in case. Will see whether she responds.
In the afternoon, travelled back into town with a couple of interpreter/translator friends; met up with a Creative Writing friend and eventually walked for quite a distance. Ended up not having dinner – feeling queasy and reluctant to sit alone in a restaurant filled with family groups and couples. So came back to my B&B where I had a banana and some cashew nuts, plus plenty of fluids. Disappointingly, my well-meaning landlady doesn't seem to understand the concept of non-caffeinated beverages and placed a box of green tea rather than mint on my hospitality tray. So I've made do with just hot water.
Room cooler; I live in hope of a decent night's sleep.
What went well today?
Realised that being an ADDult who can hyperfocus has made me an excellent translator/interpreter. Most of us have such a wide range of interests.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Day Thirty-six
This post written up from memory, a few days later.
In Edinburgh after a four-hour bus journey, direct from Oban to E's Bus Station. Very chatty young driver; I'd say he's got classic symptoms of ADHD. Could use some improved self-management skills as I suspect he ended up totaly hypglycemic and dehydrated: as we approached Edinburgh, notorious for its endless-seeming tramway works and highly inconvenient detours, he became increasingly impatient and quite abusive of pedestrians and drivers in his path. I found that quite disappointing because he was a really lovely, friendly guy at the beginning of the journey.
As I emerged from the very pleasant Bus Station, I was totally confused by all the construction work in the vicinity. The aspect of streets and pedetrian access have changed almost beyond recognition. After about fifteen minutes of traipsing about I ended up asking a young taxi driver for directions. Eventually got a (paid) lift from him. While he was very friendly, I remain unimpressed by the fact that his private company does not have ready-made receipts for business passengers. Still, insisted on getting one all the same.
Got in just before 8pm and didn't feel like going out again, so made do with a couple of shortbread biscuits from the hospitality tray and what I took to be red-berry infusion – turned out to be black tea with a bit of red berries. Not good!
Otherwise, this very swanky B&B is comfy enough, very large double bed, very swish shower room, all beautifully appointed. Huge flat-screen TV.
I've been on 3x18mg Concerta now and am absolutely fizzing with the stress of the day. At least some kind of irritating, beeping alarm in the dining room area has been turned off.
Hope I can sleep.
In Edinburgh after a four-hour bus journey, direct from Oban to E's Bus Station. Very chatty young driver; I'd say he's got classic symptoms of ADHD. Could use some improved self-management skills as I suspect he ended up totaly hypglycemic and dehydrated: as we approached Edinburgh, notorious for its endless-seeming tramway works and highly inconvenient detours, he became increasingly impatient and quite abusive of pedestrians and drivers in his path. I found that quite disappointing because he was a really lovely, friendly guy at the beginning of the journey.
As I emerged from the very pleasant Bus Station, I was totally confused by all the construction work in the vicinity. The aspect of streets and pedetrian access have changed almost beyond recognition. After about fifteen minutes of traipsing about I ended up asking a young taxi driver for directions. Eventually got a (paid) lift from him. While he was very friendly, I remain unimpressed by the fact that his private company does not have ready-made receipts for business passengers. Still, insisted on getting one all the same.
Got in just before 8pm and didn't feel like going out again, so made do with a couple of shortbread biscuits from the hospitality tray and what I took to be red-berry infusion – turned out to be black tea with a bit of red berries. Not good!
Otherwise, this very swanky B&B is comfy enough, very large double bed, very swish shower room, all beautifully appointed. Huge flat-screen TV.
I've been on 3x18mg Concerta now and am absolutely fizzing with the stress of the day. At least some kind of irritating, beeping alarm in the dining room area has been turned off.
Hope I can sleep.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Day Thirty-five
Second day on 3x18mg. Calming down now, but felt really quite jittery throughout the afternoon and couldn't get my heart-rate down in a short meditation session at the end of my weekly Tai chi class.
What emotional pangs did I notice today?
None, a good day – total contrast to yesterday! Seem to be finding the balance again.
One of the best moments must've been when I found my copy of Delivered from Distraction – I had stuffed it into my computer bag, which I took along a week ago to be able to fill in any "empty" time in between appointments. And of course there weren't, so the book (and the computer) remained in the bag. So much for being "Delivered from Distraction", eh?!
What went well today?
Managed a wee internet access crisis quite well and got a lot done in the time I was "incomunicada".
How can I make it happen more regularly?
Oh, I don't want this to happen more regularly – at all!
What strengths have I focused on today?
Focus is the operative word here. Getting lots done in a short time – when conditions are right!
At what point did I feel most authentically myself?
Much of the time, actually.
What emotional pangs did I notice today?
None, a good day – total contrast to yesterday! Seem to be finding the balance again.
One of the best moments must've been when I found my copy of Delivered from Distraction – I had stuffed it into my computer bag, which I took along a week ago to be able to fill in any "empty" time in between appointments. And of course there weren't, so the book (and the computer) remained in the bag. So much for being "Delivered from Distraction", eh?!
What went well today?
Managed a wee internet access crisis quite well and got a lot done in the time I was "incomunicada".
How can I make it happen more regularly?
Oh, I don't want this to happen more regularly – at all!
What strengths have I focused on today?
Focus is the operative word here. Getting lots done in a short time – when conditions are right!
At what point did I feel most authentically myself?
Much of the time, actually.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Day Thirty-four
Have decided to up the dosage and took 2x18mg just after 9am, plus 1x18mg at about 11am.
Got up feeling fine and rearing to go, but a phone call threw me off balance. Procrastination kicked in big time.
After a fairly chilly hour from about 11 to about 12noon, it was a wonderfully sunny, mild day.
Just before midday I went out to pick a few brambles. Started chatting to one of my neighbours, went to pick some berries for her husband, handed them over, chatted some more... – and ended up spending five hours completely hyper-focused on weeding part of the garden. No matter how often I told myself to stop and go back into the house, I just kept on pulling out those pesky weeds that have irritated me for weeks.
I came in feeling completely exhausted, totally hyper, "fizzing" with fatigue and adrenalin (?), and headachy from not drinking at all for such a long time. It took me a while to re-focus on this evening's Gaelic phone tutorial, for which I still had to do some prepping.
I managed, just, to be ready, leaving a few questions unanswered and to be presented to the tutor during the tutorial. That's perfectly ok.
Things went ok. Afterwards, though, I felt despair and hopelessness. Not nice. I felt cold, as well. Got myself some food and a mug of instant soup.
And went back to dealing with the Gaelic stuff for this coming week. Good, but challenging. There's so much to remember, not enough time to review and practice.
Got up feeling fine and rearing to go, but a phone call threw me off balance. Procrastination kicked in big time.
After a fairly chilly hour from about 11 to about 12noon, it was a wonderfully sunny, mild day.
Just before midday I went out to pick a few brambles. Started chatting to one of my neighbours, went to pick some berries for her husband, handed them over, chatted some more... – and ended up spending five hours completely hyper-focused on weeding part of the garden. No matter how often I told myself to stop and go back into the house, I just kept on pulling out those pesky weeds that have irritated me for weeks.
I came in feeling completely exhausted, totally hyper, "fizzing" with fatigue and adrenalin (?), and headachy from not drinking at all for such a long time. It took me a while to re-focus on this evening's Gaelic phone tutorial, for which I still had to do some prepping.
I managed, just, to be ready, leaving a few questions unanswered and to be presented to the tutor during the tutorial. That's perfectly ok.
Things went ok. Afterwards, though, I felt despair and hopelessness. Not nice. I felt cold, as well. Got myself some food and a mug of instant soup.
And went back to dealing with the Gaelic stuff for this coming week. Good, but challenging. There's so much to remember, not enough time to review and practice.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Day Thirty-three
Slept in a bit and took Concerta at about ten past nine. Still on 2x18 = 36mg/day. Felt ok physically.
What emotional pangs did I notice today?
None. I'm fine as long as I've got lots of diverse activities on my hands.
What went well today?
Productive day:
- sent off yet another translation job within the deadline.
- handed back some things left behind by one of my summer visitors.
- received back a fairly substantial loan to said visitor.
- taught a good ESOL class, with the help of a wonderful young co-teacher; we had a visit from a UNISON representative. They have a programme focusing on continuing education for migrant workers. It was really instructive and interesting, not least for my line-manager and one of the Library staff.
- taught a good lesson to my private ESOL student. Really enjoying the exploration of some challenging English/Irish poets with her.
- enjoyed the second portion of a yummy dinner.
- did another translation (short piece) and shipped that off.
- looked at my Gaelic work so I am ready to go tomorrow.
How can I make it happen more regularly?
Stay focused. Stay disciplined.
What strengths have I focused on today?
Ability to focus when necessary.
At what point did I feel most authentically myself?
Teaching, working, e-mailing, living...
What did not go so well?
Cravings. Ran out of cashews so overdid the dark chocolate just a bit and am feeling quite "fizzy" now it's time for bed.
What emotional pangs did I notice today?
None. I'm fine as long as I've got lots of diverse activities on my hands.
What went well today?
Productive day:
- sent off yet another translation job within the deadline.
- handed back some things left behind by one of my summer visitors.
- received back a fairly substantial loan to said visitor.
- taught a good ESOL class, with the help of a wonderful young co-teacher; we had a visit from a UNISON representative. They have a programme focusing on continuing education for migrant workers. It was really instructive and interesting, not least for my line-manager and one of the Library staff.
- taught a good lesson to my private ESOL student. Really enjoying the exploration of some challenging English/Irish poets with her.
- enjoyed the second portion of a yummy dinner.
- did another translation (short piece) and shipped that off.
- looked at my Gaelic work so I am ready to go tomorrow.
How can I make it happen more regularly?
Stay focused. Stay disciplined.
What strengths have I focused on today?
Ability to focus when necessary.
At what point did I feel most authentically myself?
Teaching, working, e-mailing, living...
What did not go so well?
Cravings. Ran out of cashews so overdid the dark chocolate just a bit and am feeling quite "fizzy" now it's time for bed.
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